Monday, April 21, 2014


This last year and a half has been very difficult for me.  It started with my oldest son having a seizure.  How could this have happened?! Seizures are hereditary on my husbands side of the family. Is this going to be something serious that he will have to deal with for the rest of his life?  Thank goodness it was nothing serious and the good Lord has blessed him so far that he has not had anymore and his neurologist came to the conclusion that it was most likely nothing more that a one time deal.  Our second son starts getting physical tics really bad.  It brings him such discomfort and makes him self conscious.  His neck and back get sooo tight from them.  I figure out that most of it is brought on by artificial sweeteners and the tics are pretty much held at bay once his diet is changed.  Another great blessing.  There is some family drama added to the mix on my side of the family, which at this point, I'm pretty much done with anything that can weigh my spirits down.  Come to find out that the Lord wasn't exactly done quite yet.  Our daughter had a large growth in her neck that had to be removed.  It was pretty serious, since it was right next to her jugular, and some important nerves/tendons.  Oh, help me at this point.  I was distraught and afraid.  I didn't blame the Lord, but I distanced myself from Him when in all honesty, that's when I should have turned to Him all the more.  During this time of worrying about my daughter there was some drama on my husband's side, that from my perspective was quite selfish and I just didn't have the time, patience, or care for.  I  had to let something go and they were it.  I couldn't deal with anything else and they were much too demanding for me.  Yes, I should have prayed. Yes, I should have been more kind/patient.  I had no more to give and was mad that they were trying to demand more from me and trying to make me feel like I was the bad person for it.  My daughter's surgery went amazing and she has been doing great since.  The Lord has never left my side even though I just didn't have it in me to ask for His help.  How amazing is He?!  I am so grateful for all of my blessings.

That being said, I fell into depression.  I had had smaller bouts of it in the past, but it got bad this time.  How was I going to get out?  I couldn't function anymore.  I let the house go, I didn't have patience for my kids, I just couldn't deal with anything anymore.

The Lord in His ever amazing grace placed people in my life to help me.  To give to me to talk to. To give to me to help so that my burden seemed lighter. To give to me to start my healing process.  It was slow.  Those people have no idea the help that they have been to me during my time of darkness and great need.  I am so grateful for my amazing husband and children that have been so loving and patient with me even though they have not understood what I was going through or how I was feeling. 

The Lord is always there for us.  Always.  I have seen His kind and gentle hand all throughout my life.  He is my rock.  He is my salvation. 

Today, I had a conversation with my little sister.  She has been one of the people who has shown me such great support and love.  She continues to influence my life for good.  I committed myself to being consistent again with my scripture study and temple attendance.  As soon as I got off of the phone with her I decided to start with the beginning of the Book of Mormon.  Not just to read it, but to study it.  I started with the 1st few verses (I got to five) and learned a great deal just from that.  I learned about how the Lord in all of His goodness had compassion with the children of Israel.  In the days of Zedekiah, he gave them time and time again, every opportunity to repent and come again to Him so that he would not have to follow thru with His promise of destroying them.  He must have felt so frustrated with them.  They did not care.  They did not listen.  It made me feel so sad for Him.  He loves us all so much.  He doesn't want to have to spend His time punishing us.  He wants to love us.  He wants to help us.  He wants to bless us. 

As my sister reminded me in our conversation about how when the children of Israel were bitten by snakes and all they had to do was look at the image to be healed, and they chose not to.  The Lord has given us a path to follow.  It is relatively easy.  He does not demand a lot from us.  But do We listen?  Do we choose to take the simple path that He has laid out for us?  Or are we stubborn and do the opposite of what He asks of us?  I know my answer. Unfortunately, all too often I choose the hard way.  He just waits for us to ask for His help, His guidance, His love.  It is so simple that I forget how simple it is to just bend.  To just bend those tired knees and fall to the ground and ask for His gracious help.  For His love.  It is sitting there waiting to be taken.  It is abundant.  It will fill us when nothing else will.  Please, I plead with you.  Be humble, be prayerful.  Let your knees bend.  Let your cares fall into His willing hands.  He will pick you up.  He will guide you.  He will love you.  That is all that we really need.  To know that we are not alone and to feel loved and appreciated.  We can do our part by sharing that love once we have received it for ourselves.  We can be an instrument in His hands too.  Like the people that He placed in my life, I can do good and help those around me as well.  We are all hurting. We are all in need of a helping hand.  Do not be afraid.  That is what the adversary wants.  He wants us to second guess ourselves.  He wants us to be sad, and frustrated, and angry.  He doesn't want us to have what our most gracious Lord has to offer us.

 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy. 
                                                               ~2Nephi 2:25 (Book of Mormon)